Breaking Off My Engagement

Today, I wanted to touch on a private topic that I've gotten a lot of questions about, but I wasn't ready to publicly address. Now I can finally say that I'm ready to address it. I broke off my engagement with my ex-fiancé in 2020 at the start of the pandemic. It took me a while to come to the conclusion of this decision, but it was one of the best decisions I ever made. I decided to share my story because I know it was a difficult time for me, as it may be for others experiencing the same story. Keep reading down below to find out what lead to this decision and how I made it through this tough time in my life.

Leading up to the Break-Off

First, I want to start off by saying this is a moment for me to share encouraging words through my story for others who may be experiencing the same. My ex-fiancé and I were high school sweethearts. We had been together since we were 16. We got engaged at the age of 23, and we decided to part ways when we were both 24. Throughout those 8 years of being together, we learned a lot. And throughout the growth, mistakes made, and lessons learned, we changed tremendously. The person we once were was still there but there were a lot of noticeable changes, and we were not in the beginning "honeymoon phase" anymore.

The time of our lives that we spent together was primal. We were not only trying to learn each other, but we were trying to learn more about ourselves. I think in the process of trying to learn about ourselves and develop our lives to prepare for the real world, we were living selfishly. Of course, looking back now, I'm able to self-reflect and realize those things. However, in the moment, I was blinded with misunderstanding and pain because of the selfishness.

The changes that we both went through caused me to fall out of love with the person that I once knew. And just because I had fallen out of love with that person doesn't mean that I ever lost love for him. We shared many times together, and I'll always have love for him.

Once I realized I had fallen out of love with him, it was hard for me to actually take that step and break things off because I was comfortable and that's all I had known. It was a scary thought being single and not being with the man I had always been with. But I quickly realized staying in a situation where I wasn't happy made me depressed. I had to take that leap of faith, and once I did I felt liberated. I never looked back.

Life After Break-Up

As previously stated, after the break-up I felt liberated. I was happy to be free from a relationship I knew I didn't want to be in. I felt like a load had been lifted off of me. I was ready for the single life. I was ready to start dating. It had been a while since I had dated though so everything was knew to me - how people met & communicated and don't even get me started on the "titles".

One thing I came to notice quickly after the break-up was that I was not emotionally healed from my previous relationship. And I did not take the necessary time for myself to heal, self-reflect and grow. Yes, I did feel liberated from not being in that relationship anymore, but I still felt as though I had failed at something so important to me at a particular time in my life. That pain & perspective caused me to hurt a couple of individuals along the way. The main thing I had to learn was to forgive, not only others, but also myself and realize that failures are major stepping stones towards growth and my life's purpose.

I never got the chance to officially plan the wedding and try on dresses. A couple of months ago, I had the chance of being part of a photoshoot for a new local bridal boutique called "Ivoryology". Before the shoot, I wasn't thinking anything of it, but when I got there and actually tried on the first dress I was triggered. I could've broke down crying right there, but I sucked it up and got through the rest of the shoot. It has been 3 years since the break-off of my engagement. I didn't think I could be triggered this late, but I surprised myself. I wasn't triggered because we weren't together anymore. I was triggered because every little girl dreams of their big day. And I had come close to that dream coming true to become a wife and fell short. Everything happens for a reason, and I definitely reminded myself that I was happy to not be with the person I once was with.

Life is definitely a rollercoaster. It has its ups & downs, but in the end you're happy that you conquered it. I wanted to end this blog post with a few scriptures that helped me get through this tough time. If you or you know someone struggling with a similar situation, then feel free to share.

"The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who spirits are crushed."

Psalms 34: 17-18 NLT

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. H will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone."

James 1:5&6 NLT

"If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins."

Matthew 6: 14&15 NLT

"The Wife of Noble Character"

Proverbs 31: 10-31 NLT

"Spirit-Guided Relationships: Wives & Husbands"

Ephesians 5: 21-33

"Love is the Greatest"

1 Corinthians 13

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Until next time!

XOXO